Adventure vs. Stupid Risks: Redefining Modern Husband Roles

Key Takeaways

• There's a crucial difference between meaningful adventure and reckless risk-taking
• Good adventure serves others and has purpose; bad adventure serves only ego and thrill-seeking
• Spouses should be advocates for each other's dreams while maintaining honest communication about concerns
• Modern husbands need to be partners in all aspects of home life, not just providers
• Sometimes being "the brakes" in a relationship is an act of love, not control

The Default to Safe

"I tend more toward defaulting to safe," Chris admits at the conversation's opening. "And God wants me to like, no, no, no, no, do something a little bit stupid for a really good reason."

This tension between safety and adventure resonates with many men who find themselves caught between the desire for meaningful risk-taking and the responsibility of providing stability for their families. The question becomes: How do we distinguish between adventures worth taking and risks that are simply foolish?

Breaking Generational Patterns

Tilghman shares his own struggle with inherited caution: "I love my parents to death, but... I don't want to be bored when I'm their age." He traces this ultra-conservative approach to his grandparents who "were born in the dirty 30s" and "grew up in the Great Depression," creating a family pattern of saving everything and avoiding risk.

"You have to start breaking those generational chains and step out of your comfort zone," he explains. "And it's scary, man." This recognition that family patterns—even beneficial ones like financial prudence—can become limiting when taken to extremes reflects a mature approach to personal growth.

Good Adventure vs. Bad Adventure

The conversation's most valuable framework comes from Chris's friend Richard, who differentiated between two types of adventure through powerful examples:

Good Adventure: James Braddock from "Cinderella Man," who returns to boxing to provide for his struggling family. When asked why he's fighting again, he responds: "I'm just here to get milk and bread for my family." This adventure serves others, has clear purpose, and involves sacrifice for something greater than himself.

Bad Adventure: David Blaine catching a .22 bullet in his mouth with a contraption—a stunt that serves primarily his own ego and entertainment value. "This is adventure for yourself," Chris explains. "This is adventure for the sake of adventure... you could just essentially shoot yourself in the face."

The distinction is clear: meaningful adventure serves others and has purpose beyond personal thrill; reckless risk-taking serves primarily ego and the desire for excitement.

Running the Numbers on Dreams

When Tilghman shares his strong urge to invest in more real estate properties, Chris offers a grounded perspective rooted in financial analysis rather than emotion or gut feeling alone.

Chris describes considering purchasing his neighbor's house but running careful calculations on cap rates, comparing them to historical S&P 500 returns. "Every way I sliced it, my cap rate was going to be like 3 or 5%," well below his 10% target. "The stock market is so much more accessible for me," he concludes.

This approach demonstrates how good adventure involves careful consideration of actual risk and return, not just following feelings or popular investment trends. Sometimes the wise choice is saying no to opportunities that seem exciting but don't make financial sense.

The Spousal Advocacy Model

One of the conversation's most important insights comes from Chris's discussion of what he calls "joint advocacy" in marriage—the idea that both spouses should be advocates for each other's dreams while maintaining the trust to be honest about concerns.

"Each side of the spouse relationship needs to be the advocate for the other," Chris explains. "Your job is to raise up and make the other person's dreams come true." But this advocacy must be paired with trust: "When somebody says, 'I don't think this is a good idea,' they really mean it. And they're not just trying to smash on your dreams."

Being "The Brakes" with Love

Chris shares a powerful example of this principle in action when his wife wanted to pursue midwifery with a particular practitioner. Despite supporting her dream generally, he felt "strongly opposed" to this specific path.

"I know it feels like I am not for you right now," he told his wife. "But really, I do support you. I want this for you. At the same time, this doesn't seem like the right path."

This required navigating the tension of being simultaneously supportive and cautionary—wanting the dream to succeed while being unwilling to compromise family values or stability to achieve it. "There had to be that trust of like, I want this dream for you... At the same time, I'm not willing to sacrifice A, B, C... these things that are important to our family."

Redefining Modern Husband Roles

Both men push back against traditional interpretations of husband roles that limit men to being providers while leaving all domestic responsibilities to wives.

"You're a frickin team," Tilghman emphasizes. "I go home, I wash dishes, I do this, I help clean the house. It's not just like... the man does this, the woman does this, but the man's there to help out, too."

This partnership model extends beyond just helping with chores to being emotionally present and supportive: "Most guys need to be a little more proactive in their relationships... just make sure, like, hey, I'm here for you. I know you're tired. I know you've been with the kid all day."

The Chip and Joanna Model

Chris offers a beautiful visual of supportive partnership through Chip and Joanna Gaines: "There's Joanna, like, she knows the style. She knows what she wants... And Chip is right there just being like, 'Yep. Got it honey. Like, you know, I see what you want. I'll grab it.'"

This image captures a partnership where each person contributes their strengths while supporting the other's vision. Chip provides the physical capability and construction skills, while Joanna provides the design vision and aesthetic direction. Neither dominates; both contribute essential elements.

"You can still do the dishes when you get home after you live that kind of life," Chris adds, rejecting the false choice between being traditionally masculine and being a helpful partner.

The Blue Collar Example

The conversation concludes with Tilghman sharing videos of blue collar workers who, despite working 15-16 hour days, still go to the gym and come home to cook dinner for their families. These men embody the partnership ideal—working hard to provide while remaining engaged in all aspects of family life.

"It's really cool to see guys really taking on the role of being a partner, not just being a shell," Tilghman observes.

Finding Your Adventure

The conversation challenges men to examine both their approach to risk-taking and their role in marriage. Are you defaulting to safety when meaningful adventure calls? Are you pursuing adventure that serves only yourself, or adventure that serves something greater?

In marriage, are you truly partnering with your spouse, or are you limiting yourself to narrow role definitions? Can you be both supportive of dreams and honest about concerns?

As Chris concludes: "It's good for us to have some perspective on what a spousal role could be like, what your role as a husband could be." The invitation is to embrace both meaningful adventure and authentic partnership—becoming men who take calculated risks for good reasons while remaining fully engaged partners in all aspects of life.