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Key Takeaways
- Service provides a unique "life high" that self-focused activities can't match
- Saying "yes" to uncomfortable service opportunities teaches new skills and builds relationships
- Even when you don't feel like serving, that's often when you need it most
- Service builds practical knowledge you'll use later in unexpected ways
- Healthy boundaries are essential - don't let people drain you, but stretch yourself to grow
The Reluctant Saturday Morning Service
Tilghman opens with a confession many men will recognize: "Growing up... every Saturday we were mowing somebody's lawn we were laying somebody's house or like doing foundation work... And sometimes it was like, I don't want to go do this, right?"
But here's what he discovered: "I always remember like at the end of each activity... we always felt really uplifted, really fulfilled, really just like okay that wasn't that bad, right? You're teaching yourself patience, perseverance."
This pattern of reluctance followed by fulfillment isn't unique to childhood. As adults, the same dynamic plays out: "Even as adults, there's times where like, I don't want to do this. I'm gassed. I don't want to do this. It's just, it's not fun anymore, right?"
Yet the reward remains consistent.
The Life High That Nothing Else Provides
Tilghman describes service as creating a "life high" - a fulfillment that self-focused activities simply can't match: "I feel better when I give service than when I go out and do something for myself. You know, it's fun to do something for yourself, right? But you just don't feel as fulfilled, like there's always something more, like there's something left on the table."
This isn't just feel-good philosophy. When you're "gassed out," feeling down, or lacking purpose, service provides what Tilghman calls being "selfless but also being selfish at the same time. Because when you're done with that service, you're going to feel good."
When You're Most Tired Is When You Most Need It
The counterintuitive truth: when you least want to serve is often when you most need to serve.
Tilghman illustrates: "Like I said earlier, you're the father of a crazy three-year-old or maybe you got a bunch of kids and they're just draining you, man. And you committed to doing something for somebody... When you're feeling good, you were well-slept and then the whole week goes by and you're like, I got this service project tomorrow. I really don't want to go. I slept like four hours in the last three days. That's when you should go, right?"
The result? "There's been times I've had that kind of situation happen and it's like, man, I slept for four hours. I feel great."
Migc's Arizona Revelation
Migc shares his experience cleaning an Airbnb pool in Arizona - exactly the kind of task that feels pointless in the moment: "Why am I in Arizona cleaning out an Airbnb pool area with the hose? You know what I mean? Just because someone told me to do so."
But his perspective shift reveals the deeper value: "Maybe one of these days I might get a house and a pool... being able to kind of not even discern it, but just have faith, you know, be like, God, thank you for giving me the ability to help somebody today. And maybe I can use this ability to help myself or people, the people around me later on."
The Learning Laboratory of Service
Chris adds a crucial insight about skill development: "What I find is give it enough years and you'll find yourself drawing on that knowledge and doing that very task later on. And you're sitting there doing it you're like, wait a minute. I remember doing this. And at the time I was like, what the crap is this? This is so stupid."
Tilghman reinforces this with his construction work experience: "I was doing some power washing on Saturday... I've never done it. You're figuring out how much power is behind an actual power washer... I'm glad I said yes... I wouldn't have learned how to put up a fence or power wash a house."
The pattern becomes clear: service is a practical education disguised as helping others.
The Yes vs. No Analysis
Tilghman offers a simple but powerful framework: "Moments where I've said yes, I learned something. Moments where I said no, I didn't take anything away but another day scrolling on the phone or doing what I wanted to do instead of serving others."
This creates a decision-making filter: "Keeping that thought in your mind like if I say yes I might learn something new today."
The compound effect is significant - every "yes" builds skills, relationships, and character that wouldn't develop otherwise.
The Expertise Advantage
Chris describes the unique satisfaction of using your existing skills in service of others: "Sometimes there's some expertise that you have that other people do not have. And getting to use that expertise in the service of others... you feel a lot stronger. Like you feel like, wow, like I can handle this."
His chainsaw example illustrates this perfectly: helping a friend cut up a fallen pine tree using skills developed over years. "I come away like feeling a lot stronger and a lot happier."
This creates a positive cycle: your skills serve others, which reinforces your competence and confidence, which motivates further service.
The Boundary Balance
The men are careful to address a crucial concern: healthy boundaries. Chris warns: "Some people are really classy and they'll be like, you know, I don't want to bug him. Other people will just be like, man, sweet, he'll do anything. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam."
The balance is critical: "God created sleep for us. You need to get a certain amount of sleep. We need to eat a certain amount of food, drink a certain amount of water... if you are constantly putting your body in a physically crisis state, not healthy over the long term."
Tilghman adds: "Say yes only when it's good for you... because people can get like- they'll do anything for me... don't let them drain you."
The Commitment Strategy
Recognizing that motivation follows action, not the reverse, Chris shares his approach: "He asked me if I needed firewood and I said, no, I got plenty... We're going to help you cut up that tree this coming Saturday. We just put it on the schedule. I knew that I probably wouldn't feel like doing it later on, but it's important to just get it on the schedule and start doing it."
This removes the emotional decision-making from the moment when you least want to serve.
Starting Small, Building Momentum
Tilghman's prescription is beautifully practical: "Commit to one thing a week. If you struggle with staying committed to something, start with once, maybe in two weeks go with two things, and then before you know it, you're gonna be actively looking for service daily and in turn learn something."
This gradual approach prevents overwhelm while building the service habit.
The Faith Component
Migc frames service within a larger perspective: "Thank you God for giving me the ability to help somebody today. And maybe I can use this ability to help myself or people, the people around me later on."
This gratitude reframe transforms service from obligation to opportunity, from burden to blessing.
Your Service Challenge
This week, commit to one act of service. It doesn't have to be large or time-consuming. Look for opportunities to:
- Help a neighbor with a project you know how to do
- Volunteer for something slightly outside your comfort zone
- Say "yes" to a request you'd normally decline (within healthy boundaries)
- Use a skill you have to benefit someone who lacks that skill
Notice how you feel before, during, and after. Pay attention to what you learn, who you meet, and how the experience shapes you.
The Compound Effect
Remember Tilghman's insight: moments where you say yes, you learn something. Moments where you say no, you gain nothing but "another day scrolling on the phone."
Service isn't just about helping others - it's about becoming the kind of man who can handle whatever life throws at him, who has skills acquired through diverse experiences, and who finds deep fulfillment in contributing to something larger than himself.
As Chris concludes: "Maybe you'll find that you actually come away a lot stronger and a lot more fulfilled than you normally would."
The fuel of service doesn't just power your impact on others - it powers your own growth, competence, and satisfaction in ways that self-focused activities simply cannot match.
