Key Takeaways
- Start with simple, practical ways to help your dad - make it "stupid easy" for yourself
- Be more proactive about reaching out instead of always waiting for them to call first
- Service together creates natural bonding opportunities and shared experiences
- For those without fathers, seek mentor relationships with older men through service and curiosity
- Ask deeper questions beyond surface-level conversations to build real connection
Making It Stupid Easy
Chris opens with a refreshingly honest admission: "Connecting in our family like we don't have like this super tight knit family." His solution? Make reconnection as simple as possible by focusing on practical help.
"I sort of have to make it stupid easy for myself like I need to help them out on something," Chris explains. His approach centers on meeting his aging parents' actual needs - helping set up their sound system, installing spark plugs on his dad's truck, or using his garage full of tools for projects his father has the money to outsource but would rather do together.
The beauty of this approach is its accessibility. It doesn't require emotional breakthroughs or difficult conversations - just showing up with your strengths to meet their practical needs.
The Son's Initiative
Tilghman shares a common pattern many men will recognize: "It's always been my dad reaching out first and I know as a son I can be the one that reaches out first sometimes too."
Living just five minutes from his father, Tilghman recognizes the missed opportunities in their busy lives. His dad, a hard worker who taught him the same drive, operates in the same "nose to the grindstone" mentality that can inadvertently create distance.
Tilghman's solution involves rekindling shared memories: "Something as simple as offering to go out and grab some... Our biggest thing was go get some pizza when I was a kid." These small gestures - a quick 10-15 minute phone call, revisiting the old pizza place before football games - create opportunities for deeper connection as trust rebuilds.
"Just kind of starting at the bottom, you know, rekindling that maybe finally the coals of a burning fire and just realizing that they're still hot," Tilghman reflects with powerful imagery.
Service as Common Ground
Both men identify service as a natural bridge to their fathers. Tilghman's dad recently took on new leadership responsibilities in their church, creating opportunities for connection through shared values.
"One thing my dad and I always had a common ground was like service," Tilghman notes, remembering being dragged to 6 AM Saturday service projects as an unwilling teenager. Those early mornings after football games that seemed torturous at the time became "some of my fondest memories after I woke up and let the grouchy out."
Now he can be proactive: "Hey, do you have any service projects coming up in the church that I can plan for? And I can be there for an hour or two just to help out." This approach shows care through action rather than just words, creating natural topics for deeper conversation.
For Those Without Fathers
Recognizing not everyone has a father in their life, Chris offers practical advice for finding mentor relationships with older men. The same principles apply: service and curiosity.
"Being of service to somebody is a huge way to just like get into somebody's life and just start a relationship," he explains. Whether it's helping at the gym, in your church, or community, offering your strength and time to older men can open doors to wisdom and relationship.
"These old crotchety men, like they can be crotchety sometimes. But offering your services, offering your strength, if you are younger and stronger is so valuable and you can sometimes really do a lot of good there."
The Power of Deeper Questions
Beyond service, Chris emphasizes moving past surface-level interactions through intentional curiosity. Instead of the typical "How are you doing? How was the game last night?" he suggests questions that invite real sharing:
- "What's been making you laugh lately?"
- "What brings you joy?"
- "What's the biggest problem in the world that you see?"
"You start asking an old guy about what the biggest problem in the world is that they see and they'll probably go on for the next half hour," Chris observes with a laugh.
This approach treats fathers and older men as complete humans with feelings, hopes, dreams, and wisdom earned through experience, rather than just functional relationships.
Starting Where You Are
The episode's strength lies in its practical, low-pressure approach. Both men acknowledge the reality that relationships with fathers can feel "out of reach" or "impossible," but emphasize that starting is usually easier than anticipated.
"It feels like out of reach. It like feels impossible, but it's actually not that hard," Chris notes. "Once you get going, you're like, my gosh, I can't believe I didn't start this sooner."
The goal isn't immediate emotional breakthrough but simply creating "motion" and "traction" through small, consistent actions.
The Long View
Underlying these practical tips is a deeper recognition of time's passage. Tilghman's humorous but poignant comment about wanting his son to call when he's "60, 70 years old and like, needing a diaper change" reflects the reality that these relationships won't last forever.
Understanding that fathers are "going through this earthly life" for the first time too creates space for grace while motivating action in the present.
Taking Action
The invitation is simple: pick one small, practical way to connect with your father or a potential mentor this week. Help with a project. Make a phone call. Ask a deeper question. Visit the old pizza place.
These aren't grand gestures requiring major life changes - they're "tactical and practical" steps that anyone can take to begin rebuilding or strengthening these crucial relationships.
As Chris concludes, "We just want to help guys out... how to be more loving, how to be better dads, how to be better sons, how to be better husbands to the people that are around them."
The path forward starts with a single step, and these men have shown that step doesn't have to be a big one.
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